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Cheryl Snell's avatar

Great prompt, Meg! Esp. the line by line reading.

Waiting

At thirteen my world contracts with waiting: for the phone to ring, an invitation to dance, my period.

My father asks "What’s wrong. Are you bored with the new puppy already?"

I startle. I don’t realize my mood is public. "That’s not it."

"What, then."

"I’m stuck. When is my real life going to start?"

He looks away, deep into a place where I can’t follow. Says, "I never stopped wondering the same about mine."

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Federico's avatar

What a masterful piece! The use of present tense here was (is) perfect. The story ends with what may seem like a weak dialogue tag ("I say"), but I read it mentally without that tag and then it sounds too… bristly? Off-tone, for sure, for the rest of the piece. So the self-effacing "I say" seems like a perfect way to sink us without a splash into that endless lake of despondence in which the author found/finds herself. One word I wasn't sure about was "despondent." It seems out of place somehow—because it tells and doesn't show? Because it feels too grown-up for someone caught in that age-thirteen emotional state? Not sure, but the rest of the piece is so good!

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